EUMETSAT Moodle
Chivalry Makes Women Feel Good
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After a few days of anticipating this night, I could hardly contain myself. I was finally dressed after changing my outfit 3.75 times. He told me he would be here at 8 o’clock. By 7:56, I could feel the butterflies tap dancing in my tummy. Paying attention to their flutter almost made me miss his text: “I’m downstairs.” I couldn’t help but smile.
I made my way downstairs and peeped out the front door of my apartment building; I saw him standing outside. I reached for the door and walked out. As the cold air hit my face, I was warmed by his smile and strong embrace. I remembered how fine he was, but seeing him in the flesh made me feel some kinda way. We exchanged pleasantries as we walked a short distance to his car. Even though the walk was less than a full city block, I found myself being swept toward the inside of the sidewalk by his firm, yet gentle touch. I smiled at him and didn’t resist. When we reached the car, he walked with me to the passenger side door, opened it, and waited for me to get in. I had my hand on the handle ready to close it, but he beat me to it.
When we parked outside the restaurant I wasn’t sure to how handle the whole getting out of the car thing. “I know he made sure that I didn’t have to touch the door on the way in. Should I expect the same thing on the way out?” As the murmur of the engine quieted and I sat quietly, thinking loudly. In what felt like no time at all, he was opening my door and helping me out.
By the time we reached the door of the restaurant, I already knew the deal. I fought my instinct to reach for the door, and made an effort not to get there first. This date was only 20 minutes old and I was already buying what this man was selling…
Until he acted crazy at the dinner table. But that’s another post for another day.
Although this is based on my own experience, I find myself feeling like it’s the opening to some fairy tale romance. As you read it, you were probably thinking one of three things: 1) “Wow, that’s sounds nice,” 2) “Please, chivalry’s not real,” or 3) “Yeah, that’s how it should be.”
For much of my adult dating life and for years leading up to it, I was of the “Please, chivalry’s not real” school of thought. Sure, I’d seen men hold doors for women, and have been ushered through a few doors myself, but it was not a standard or expectation I had. As I got older, chivalry in all its forms wasn’t something I thought that I should expect because I didn’t see it enough to consider it or really know what it was. There was no man in my house to model it for me and my sisters. And even though my uncle whom I saw frequently practiced chivalry (I think), it wasn’t something I really paid much attention to as a child. Layer that with years of meeting college boys trying to be men and confusing me in the process, and you get something like awareness void of expectation.
Once I went out with a few men who did similar things as the dude I talked about above, I started to notice something. Chivalry, or that kind of attention, care, and displays of respect, made me feel special as hell. Say what you will, but when you are walking down the street with a man who, instinctively or not, makes sure he walks on the outside of the sidewalk is just…sexy as hell.
When Paul Carrick Brunsonposted the following on the twitters, the responses were largely thoughtful.
Loveawake Dating Survey just released! One interesting result = 55% of women said chivalry is NOT important. Do you agree?
For me, chivalry is important. It wasn’t always though. This is not to say that I won’t date a man who doesn’t open all doors for me, or that all men who open doors, et cetera, are boo material. However, in my experience, there is an intangible quality about a chivalrous man that sometimes goes beyond the acts themselves. There is often some feeling that comes as a result of those actions, whether he intends to evoke those feelings or not. Maybe it’s because I’m new to the “expecting chivalry” game, or maybe I’m naive. Either way, I appreciate the actions and hope that I never expect them so much so that I take the man, and his actions, for granted.
Actions can cut the other way too. I feel some type of way about seeing a man sit in his car while his woman stands outside in the cold at the gas pump, or the man who let’s his boo struggle with heavy bags as he totes the paper goods. Who knows what else he does or doesn’t do. It can be said that a woman should expect or demand certain things from her man, but should chivalry be one of them? What expectations does (or should) a man have for his own behavior, in relation to and independent of women he dates? What expectations should a woman have for men she dates? What shapes those expectations? Wait…what is chivalry anyway? Am I oversimplifying it?